Scenic view

Rocket asked me how he got out of my tummy when he was a baby.

I gave him an honest answer.

He hardly flinched, though after a short pause, he did ask:

"Did I see your wee-wee on the way out?"

Nuts!

I often say to Rocket, "You're driving me crazy" and "You're driving me nuts" (in a loving way, of course).

He has taken these phrases and giving them a twist. This morning I heard him say to his big sister, Petal:

"You're driving my nuts crazy!"

In cold blood

I told Rocket that I was going to my friend Alissa's party tonight.

He began to giggle, then asked:

"Why are you going to a lizard's party?"

Balls up

Rocket and I were talking about the ball games he likes to play.

"I like bastard ball," he told me.

I roared laughing and to my surprise, so did Petal.

Once she stopped giggling, she turned to Rocket and explained:

"It's basketball, silly!"

Thinking she's so clever, she added, "There's no such word as 'bastard'".

Who nose?

Rocket was watching TV, when he turned to me and asked:

"Why is Spongebob's penis on his face?"

Milk, milk, lemonade...

Petal proudly told me that she knows where milk comes from.

I quietly prayed that she wouldn’t say ‘the supermarket’.

“Where’s that, darling?”

“From cows,” she beamed.

“That’s right, well done.”

She followed it up with… “And I know what part of the cow it comes out of!”

“Its udder?” I suggested.

Petal shook her head.

“No, its penis.”

Boy or girl?

Petal asked me if a baby we'd met early that day had been a boy or girl.

"It was a little girl," I told her.

Petal's eyes dropped downwards. She was clearly embarrassed that she couldn't tell the difference.

"Don't worry, darling," I consoled. "It's really hard to tell to difference between boy and girl babies."

A relieved Petal looked up and nodded, "Yes, because boy babies don't have beards."