My kid is... disgusting

Petal asked me, "Mummy, smell my finger?"

This could only end badly, so I told her, "No way."

"But it smells like strawberry," she assured me.

She had been blowing strawberry-scented bubbles earlier, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt and went in for a whiff.

It smelt like fish. There are only two things that smell like fish and she hadn't been near the one with scales.

"That is disgusting!" I told her.

Her defence?

"My friend Vagina does it all the time."

For the first time ever, the mispronunciation of Jemima's name seemed quite fitting.

Busted rhymes

This is Petal singing Mary, Mary, quite contrary...

"Mary, Mary, cock and cherry..."

Oh dear.

Ho, ho, ho

As we were preparing for a barbecue at our place, I told Petal she would need to look after the little guests who were coming along (I'm referring here to her friends, not my short-stature mates). Petal loves a label, so I told her she would be the 'host'. This impressed her no end.

Later, while the barbecue was in full swing, Petal proudly announced to everyone there:

"I am the ho of this party!"

As my friends choked on their drinks, she added:

"Mummy told me I'm the ho!"

"St, st, st..." I spluttered. "Don't forget the 'st'!"

Petal just looked at me as though I were insane and continued playing 'ho' to her friends.

Buddhism 101 (#4)

Petal was enjoying 'reading' her Disney Princess magazine. I could hear her naming each of the princesses.

"Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Ariel, Buddha, Cinderella..."

Buddha? The question had to be asked:

"Sorry, darling. But which one is Buddha?"

Petal looked at me as if I were stupid.

"This one," she said, as she pointed to Pocahontas.



Pocahontas?



Buddha?

Little Miss Pronunciation #3

Lady bug = Lady bugger

And that's how three little letters can turn an innocent name into one that is oh-so-dirty...

Clean language

Petal has begun to describe various things as "clean and clear and under control".

I think she has seen one too many Clearasil commercial...

Art attack

After a recent trip to the Blue Mountains, Petal was inspired to draw a picture of the 'Three Sisters'.



As you can see, her sisters were more human-like than the rock formations we'd admired. They even had names: Zali, Charlotte and Chanel.

Petal paid particular attention to details such as the teeth and tongues, and the enormous belly-buttons and minuscule noses that resembled, erm, full-stops.

However, she did forget one major detail.

"Where are their arms?" I asked.

Petal laughed heartily. "Silly me!" she giggled.

Promptly, she picked up her texta and drew the missing appendages.



If only I'd pointed out they were missing ears, too.